To Label...

(Repost from 11/2010)

I've spoken to many parents with kids in school who have various diagnoses. The question is always about whether or not it is a good idea that they, (school, teachers, friends and family etc.), know what the diagnosis is. That placing a "label" on them can be bad. Some have said their child will use it as a crutch, others have said that their child will be picked on, or it's just none of their business etc. etc. If I were to create a list of pros and cons I am sure to come up with a good list on both sides. I personally feel however that the pros far outweigh the cons.

A label, title or general description, helps people to understand what’s inside (you can't see Autism like a physical birth defect). If my son is having a sensory/regulation meltdown and a non ASD child is as well and they were side by side it would be hard to tell which is which. Unless of course you were a trained doctor or therapist. It’s hurtful to have bystanders give me the "you are a bad parent for not teaching your child how to behave in public" look when the meltdown just happened to occur in a public location. I am very sad to admit that I was once one of those onlookers passing judgment too.

I recall overhearing a parent say under their breath once that "a nice swat on the bottom would take care of that". Calming, redirecting and soothing an ASD child isn't that simple. It’s just not as black and white as that, heck the same is true for typical kiddos. I remember many times walking through the grocery store listening to a child screaming and thinking, take that child home or out of the store or do something about it so they stop. The screaming would just annoy me... now when I hear it I’m not bothered by it in the same way. I first think about what could really be going on and pray that what ever the underlying cause is the parent is able to find the means to make it better. Of course some kiddos ARE being naughty and just need some discipline but I don't assume that anymore, (we all know what it means to assume).

I got stuck at Wegman’s once by the milk coolers. The overhead train was driving by and my son was SO excited! Every time I tried to leave he screamed horribly! My husband called me while I was there and asked what I was doing, I informed him that I was stuck at Wegman’s by the trains, he chuckled. Not to laugh at me, but with me. Many times laughing in a difficult situation makes it easier to cope. He truly understood what I was up against and felt bad for me. After 30 minutes I had to leave. I prayed and prayed all the way to the front, as he screamed, that people weren't thinking the worst of me, but I knew some were. I hoped that on my way out of the parking lot that one of them would happen to be driving behind my car so they could see the Autism Awareness car magnet. That way they would know there was an explanation and much more to this screaming meltdown. I am not saying my sons’ behavior is excusable but some understanding would be nice. I’m sure that all those parents with criticizing eyes have been in my shoes at one time or another and have been mortified too by their childs’ public display.

I know of one parent who pondered the idea of whether or not to tell the school their child had high functioning Autism. They didn't want them to feel different or to be labeled and to use it as a crutch. I feared that the label their child would end up with would sadly be much worse. There are excellent resources for kids in school such as an IEP or 504. They are there to help them. They will not get that added help if the teachers don't know the diagnosis and that will only add to the frustration of the child trying to learn and the faculty trying to teach them. Not to mention the other children. I have been around children recently who are on the spectrum, or are bipolar or have ADHD and I know that what they are doing isn’t always in their control and a level of compassion and patience naturally comes over me as I think about what I am witnessing.

I guess my point is that when you define that medical concern it helps others to understand. A label is knowledge and while that label may have risks it's important that your child gets what they need and is in their best interest and sometimes the label is it. When my son acts out and I know in my heart it is ASD related and someone else is directly involved with us I will share that my son has autism. I am not sharing it to make an excuse; I am sharing it so they understand him and why he is doing what he is doing. I’ve been told that I shouldn't feel obligated to explain him or justify his actions and I totally understand that but I really don't mind sharing when it is appropriate. It helps to have people understand and that in turn helps him too :) This of course is just my personal opinion; I completely understand and respect those who may disagree.