13 months to 17 months was a very busy time for Hunter and our family. We were in full swing with therapy sessions in our home weekly and my husband and I were making every attempt to try to understand the struggles he was having. Sometimes it wasn’t to hard, other times it seemed impossible and was emotionally draining on us. Since the therapy was in our home, the boys were around a lot for his sessions. Hunter had a unique connection to Daniel, different then just a big brother bond. I would call Daniel his 2nd mom, although a 2nd dad would’ve been more appropriate. He had a connection that was very motherly and he was able to do the things Hunter wouldn’t allow me to do so in a way he took my place on some things. He’ll make a great dad one day! When Hunter was sad or hurt Daniel would jump to the occasion to help us soothe him, Hunter was very content in his arms and was often willing to allow him to cuddle and comfort him when he was sad. Stephens’s relationship was different though. Stephen loved him so much and desperately wanted to play closely and help out too when he could. Joining in on his therapy was exciting for him but Hunter was often nervous around him. Hunters face would light up when Stephen engaged with him or talked to him but many times he was to fast on his feet. Hunter wanted to play with Stephen but his approach was often quick, unexpected and to “in your face” whereas Daniels was slow and obvious. Daniel would go to Hunter straight on usually and Hunter would see him coming, Stephen however often approached from behind and Hunter wasn’t expecting it. Hunter would end up crying, screaming or it would lead to a complete meltdown. The therapists understood this and were wonderful in trying to help Stephen join in on an activity at a pace and approach that Hunter could tolerate.
It would break my heart when I’d see Hunter respond this way to Stephen because I could relate. Although my approach was like Daniels my ability to soothe Hunter was more like Stephens. It’s very hard to not take it personally when your child needs your comfort and will not allow you to give it. Hunter would rather drink his bottle and hold his blanket to calm down over a hug from me. OR he would allow me to hold him but his back was against my tummy instead of face to face or on my shoulder. What good am I if I can’t even soothe me own child? I understood how much it hurt Stephen, to want to help and give love only to be turned away or ignored.
Although our team was doing an exceptional job in helping him progress we also found the increase in meltdowns, sensory issues, blank stares, not responding to his name increasing and concerning and emotionally upsetting for us. The sadness in Dan’s face was indescribable when he came home from work one day and yelled over and over and over to Hunter to get his attention. Hunter was on the floor playing only a few feet from him. An outsider looking in would assume Hunter was deaf. Coming home from a long day at work and catching up with the kids is so important to Dan, he loves those moments when he walks in and the boys jumped to their feet in excitement seeing him. Not this time though, it appeared as though Dan was not heard but he was right there, only a few feet away. Hunter surely heard him, we know he did, but this monster known as Autism took that special moment way from my husband and it was heartbreaking to see it. The sadness in my husband’s eyes made my heart sink, this is NOT fair!
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